dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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