Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
