Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize