I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
