I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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