dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize