flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i believe in u and ur pee
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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