So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize