i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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