What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
