Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
