Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
