He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
