remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
