yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
