you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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