I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
