so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need water and some morals
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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