I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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