WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
