Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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