I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
