thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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