we have officially lost it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
