How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
