have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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