I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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