my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
