I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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