Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
