sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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