I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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