Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
