I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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