You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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