I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
