i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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