so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
