is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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