I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
