I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
