no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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