Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
