Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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