I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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