Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
