Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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