I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize