FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
