you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
