On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
