he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
