Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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