I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
