Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
