This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
