Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
