Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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