Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
