Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
