Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
