Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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