I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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