I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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