Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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