Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
