Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
