i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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