I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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