he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
