3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize