he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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