I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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