break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
