Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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