Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
